


tell me every terrible thing you ever did (and let me love you anyway)

by rajvi_shah



Category: Mansfield Park - All Media Types, Mansfield Park - Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Development, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Slow Burn, THIS IS NOT A 'SHE CHANGES FOR HIM BETTER' FIC!, attempted humor, minor historical inaccuracies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29005188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rajvi_shah/pseuds/rajvi_shah
Summary: Mary is tired of her mother's persistent attempts to get her married off. In order to satisfy her mother, she concocts a scheme -  pretend to court the newly arrived Henry Crawford, who surprisingly agrees to it. She knows she'll never fall for a person like Henry - arrogant and infuriating. However, Henry is not considered to be the most charming person in the neighborhood for nothing.
Relationships: Henry Crawford & Mary Crawford, Mary Bennet&Catherine Bennet, Mary Bennet/Henry Crawford
Comments: 20
Kudos: 52





	1. part one : first impressions

"Have you heard," said Mrs. Bennett to Lady Lucas one afternoon, "That Netherfield has been brought again! By some Dr. Grant, I heard Jane say."

"Indeed!" Lady Lucas responded, "I had thought that a few years would pass before I heard of Netherfield since the Bingleys have left it." 

"I do not know much of the fact except that a Dr. Grant has brought it. Nothing much except that he is a respectable gentleman is known." Lady Lucas once again expressed her astonishment at the turn of circumstances. She and the other members of the party, consisting of the Lucas siblings and two Bennett sisters along with their mother. The Lucas house was frequented much more by the Bennett family now that three of its daughters were married and well settled.

Interesting as the new occupants of Netherfield might be to Mrs. Bennett and Mrs. Lucas, Mary did not wish for anything other than to be shut up in her room and peruse the recent book she wanted to study.

Mary half heartedly listened to Mrs. Bennett relating Mr. Bingley's assurance that the Grants were a most pleasant family. However, the poor man and his wife were not as discussed as the Crawford siblings, the children of Mrs. Grant's sister. They had been recently lost their parent and had decided that settling with the Grants was the most appropriate course of action. Not much was known of them either, except that they were worldly , charming and of a marriageable age. Despite having witnessed three marriages in a short time span, Mrs. Bennett had yet to lose her zeal for marriage of her daughters.

Such paltry gossip would not have met Mary's dislike half so much had not the intent behind them known. Mary was the most recent source of her mother's distress. At three and twenty, she had had no proposals or the slightest prospect of marriage. Kitty, Mrs. Bennett was assured, would get married by the end of the year. It was already rumored that Kitty was secretly engaged to Mr. Lancaster and nothing but Kitty's earnest pleas would have assured Mary of it being only a rumor.

Maria Lucas besides whispered, "It is exciting, is it not!" The young Ms. Lucas, though sweet and of friendly disposition, could hardly be considered a suitable enough companion for she had nothing to offer to Mary by her non sensical talks. Upon Mary's curt nod of question, Maria excitedly said, "To have such charming people as our neighbors!"

"We do not know if they are half so charming as everyone thinks them to be," Mary replied. This did not dull young Ms. Lucas' excitement in the slightest. "Well, they come from a wealthy family. I am sure they need not even be half as charming as everyone says; their status is more than enough."

***  
The Crawford siblings were indeed just as appealing as people had thought them to be. They were wealthy, lively, young and beautiful; it was of no doubt that it would be a long time before anyone ceased to talk of them.

However, Mary had not had the chance of seeing either the Grants or the Crawfords till the recent Meryton ball. Mary had not even thought of attending the event were it not for Mrs. Bennett's persistence. 

Henry Crawford was not handsome but quite near to it and his friendly and likeable disposition more than supplied the minor defects in his looks. His sister, Mary Crawford, however, was pretty and fashionable and there was something in her that reminded Mary of Caroline Bingley. Though, Miss Crawford was sharper, somehow.

Henry Crawford, Mary was almost sorry to note, was nothing like Mr. Bingley. He was friendly and well liked but he had not the sincerity that her sister's husband displayed. Mary could tell that he also had no humility by the way he carried himself and the smirk on his face that indicated that he thought himself superior to his present company.

Mary, within first fifteen minutes of her study of the Crawfords, found them self absorbed and not worth applying the powers of her rational mind which were better applied elsewhere. So thinking, she endeavored to at least play one song on the piano forte during the night. She had practiced and studied various songs and she had no mind to let her efforts go to waste.

The first two dances, however, gave Mary no chance to be anywhere near the piano forte. Mary observed with a slight smile how Kitty danced and laughed with Mr. Lancaster. Mr. Lancaster was older than Kitty and as different from her as one could be; he lacked Kitty's fondness for fashion and balls and had more experience and power of judgement that Kitty's youthful mind lacked. However, their mutual affection was stronger than any hurdle defects of their personalities could pose. Were they to be engaged tomorrow, Mary would have no difficulty approving them.

Mary, herself, shared the first two dances with William Lucas, who was twenty now and no longer the trouble making boy that he used to be.

"Upon my word," William whispered during the dance, "Mary Crawford is the prettiest creature I have set my eyes on."

"She is graceful," Mary could only admit as much while dancing and thinking of a response. William smiled. "Why? Are the Crawfords not good enough for the great Mary Bennett?"

"My opinion on the subject does not matter. I have only known them for few minutes." Mary's neutral answer was not enough for William who persisted to know her opinion on the subject. Aghast, Mary exasperatedly announced him to be the most impertinent boy she had ever met. Her partner only smiled teasingly and pressed her to tell what she thought of the Crawfords.

"They are vain and proud and self absorbed as far as I have observed," Mary at last declared which did not sit well with William. He commented, at last, that she was a very difficult person to please and they parted ways.

William's teasing had affected Mary so that she could not, even with her glasses, observe that the pair next to them was Henry Crawford himself and Miss King. Henry may not have remembered what little he had conversed with his partner but he could tell Mary's assessment of his character to his sister when they met during breaks between the dances. 

Upon telling to her sister about how a strange lady had insulted them, Miss Crawford only laughed. 

"Well, she was not wrong. We are as self absorbed and vain as they come, my dear brother." Henry only stared at his sister; he could not comprehend how she could let go of such a thing by such ease.

"Oh, leave the woman alone. Tell me, how was the dance with Miss King. Am I to get a sister anytime soon?"

Henry frowned. "You know I have no interest in love." Then adding in a lower voice, "Not after what has happened."

"If not love, then have interest in money", Miss Crawford's lower voice did not hid the sharpness of her statement. "You and I have been fools before, brother. We must not allow our emotions to blind us again. You have to know the importance of a match with a wealthy person has for us."

After a stretch of silence, Henry said in a normal voice, "Miss King dances very well." Mary smiled; perhaps moving to country side was not as bad as it sounded.

***

"Mary there is a perfectly fine library at our house; why must we venture outside in such dreary weather for a book!" Kitty cried. She was unable to understand why one had to take pains for a book when there were several within the house.

"The weather is not as dreary as you make it out to be," Mary said slowly, "And I have read all the books in our library." Mary interrupted whatever Kitty was going to say next, "I have read all the books more than once."

Kitty groaned- it was not as if she hated books; she liked a good novel every now and then but Mary's obsession with them was quite insane. Did she not crave the company of people? Even the shy, sweet Jane was more outgoing than Mary.

"You can always go the library on your own. What is the need to drag me out?"

"You know mother will not let me. She believes my lack of interest in 'feminine things' is the reason why I never get a proposal. Have you ever heard such a thing? My interests are feminine enough! I do not see why-"

"Fine!" Kitty interrupted Mary impatiently, not willing to hear another long complaints about their mother from Mary. "I will accompany you but we must return by dinner."

Mary smiled. She was willing to agree a thousand conditions as long as her wish of going to the library was fulfilled.

***  
The day at the library had been even more better than Mary could have imagined. Her attention had been caught by a book titled 'A Vindication of the Rights of Women' by Mary Wollstonecraft and it had completely consumed her attention. The book challenged several of her long held beliefs and she was pleasantly surprised by it. Even Kitty had ended up finding a book.

The evening had fallen in no time and Kitty had to remind Mary that they had go home. Mary borrowed the book with a slight pang in her heart; she wished she could have bought the novel but she had not enough money for it. 

The walk from library to home was a pleasant one; since the library was not far from Meryton, neither of the sisters had felt that walking there would be so great an exertion. In amiable silence walked the sisters, each engrossed in her own thoughts, when they were spotted by three people whom they had never expected to meet - Mr. Lancaster along with Miss and Mr. Crawford. 

Mary hoped that they would ignore them for she was in no mood for talking; her mind was too roused by the book she was holding in her hands to devote it to anyone else. However, the party approached them and Mary wondered why someone like Mr. Lancaster, who was by all means a sensible gentleman, spend his time with someone like Crawfords.

"What a coincidence!" cried Miss Crawford after the pleasantries had been done with, "To find you both here. I had never thought I would be so honored as to meet my friend here."

Friend? Surely, it must not be Mary for they had not so much as talked till now. It must Kitty then and Mary concluded that both had met at the Meryton ball. Kitty's attentions were chiefly engaged by Mr. Lancaster and Miss Crawford. The former's were reciprocated as enthusiastically as possible and the latter's were not unwelcome for Kitty had always hoped for as charming and worldly a friend as Miss Crawford.

Mr. Crawford remained surprisingly silent after he had bowed and wished the sisters a good evening. Mary's affection to the gentleman was not so deep as to inspire curiosity. Both walked side by side without speaking a word and Mary was soon distracted by her book. It took her, therefore, a minute, to realize that Mr. Crawford had asked her a question.

"Were you present at the Meryton ball?" he asked in so low tone that one would not blame Mary for almost missing the question. Mary affirmed that she was and it was all silence again till Mr. Crawford made observations on the fine weather and Mary replied sparsely.

"You are not very talkative, are you madam?" Mr. Crawford asked finally when all kinds of trees had been discussed and he could no longer hold a conversation solely about weather. 

"I do not find the purpose in meaningless talks," Mary stiffly replied. What did this man mean? It was not Mary's fault that he was not a charming conversationist.

"As much as you do in a good book, you forgot to add," Mr. Crawford said in a manner that might have been mistaken as teasing but Mary knew it to be mockery. She had had enough censure her entire life for favoring books over people. Mary had no other reply than to say that he was right; Mr. Crawford bowed slightly at that.

"What are you two talking of?" Miss Crawford cried, perhaps feeling left out by Kitty and Mr. Lancaster who seemed unaware of anything but themselves. Mr. Crawford said that it was about Miss Bennet's scholarly aptitudes.

"Upon my word!" Miss Crawford said, gazing at Mary's hand which held the book. "You do seem a learned person. You must be bored by Henry's anecdotes on our uncle's Irish groom."

"My anecdotes are just fine!" Mr. Crawford defended himself , "Besides, you were also talking to Miss Bennet about your multiple dance partners. It must be infinitely boring. At least my anecdotes are funny."

"It does not matter," Miss Crawford said, "whose anecdotes are funnier, for intelligent people (gesturing at Mary) like her have much more to do than listen to useless stories. They have to do moralizing and analyzing for the entire world. You have to forgive my brother," Miss Crawford now addressed Mary directly, "for disturbing you in such a manner."

Mary's cheeks colored, out of what she knew not. Out of embarrassment at doing the same thing Miss Crawford had accused her of? Out of a sense of shame for awkwardness? Never had she felt so confused, so embarrassed, so - she scarcely knew what to think of the sudden lump in her throat. She was not going to cry! At length, she tried to speak something but was saved the effort by Mr. Crawford.

"It seems our walk has come to an end," the gentleman announced and Mary realized that they had reached Longbourn. As the party told their goodbyes and left, Mary did not know whether she should feel disappointed or relieved.

***

"How are your new companions?" Mrs. Grant asked Henry which shocked him for now she seldom spoke to him after they had moved to Netherfield.

"I cannot tell on first meeting itself, madam," Henry answered , "But they are delightful companions, especially Kitty Bennet to my sister."

"And Miss Mary Bennet to you," The sister replied back, "One would have thought you were quite mad for her from the way you defended her."

"And the Mary I knew never resorted to putting others down!"

"Oh, since when do you give three straws about others! You were not like this before Fanny-"

"Mary!" Henry cried, all the color lost from his countenance. This was the first time he had heard her name and it did not exactly bring up fond memories. As composedly as he could manage, Henry left the room.

Mrs. Grant said nothing, only shook her head. She had no desire to come between the brother and sister ever again; it was their doing that had almost ruined her family's reputation. She cared not, therefore, that her niece had never looked so pale or so speechless in all her life.

.  
.  
.  
Mary and Henry had only each other; this was something they both knew since childhood. Their parents had died when they had been young. The Admiral and wife cared naught for them. Why should they, when they had their own children to look after. No matter how reckless or thoughtless or selfish or scandalous a thing one of them did, the other had no reproach or judgement, only support.

After they had moved, or since the event, there had borne an unspeakable but unavoidable void between them. Mary was changed for the worst. The usually cheerful and even tempered Mary was fretful and irritable at every small thing now. The servant's badly cooked meal, the breaking of her quill while writing letters, a smallest tear in her gown were reproached as if they killed her.

Henry, however, had not changed much except for a sense of shame and a bruised ego. His was not a nature to dwell on the past. As much as he had come to admire Miss Price, had done things for her he had never done for any other woman, his attachment to her had not been able to withstand either the test of time or his impatient nature. All fault was solely his, he accepted, but beyond that he had no regrets.

"Henry," a soft voice startled Henry out of his thoughts. "Are you coming for dinner today?"

Henry did not point how Mary could have sent a servant to call him, only shook his head in denial. "I am not hungry today sister."

Mary frowned in the petulant manner of a child not having their whims fulfilled. "Are you angry with me?" 

"I am not angry with you," Henry sighed. "I just wish to know what has come upon you. You are no saint but even you would not go after a poor creature like Miss Bennet in such a manner."

Mary sat besides him on the bed and laid her head on his shoulder. "I miss him," she whispered to the fabric of his clothes. Henry willed himself not to sigh. Mary's attachment to Fanny's cousin had been deeper than Henry's had been to her. He knew not how to console someone lovelorn. So Henry only kissed the side of her head, hoping she knew that he was there for her. 

***

Mary!" Kitty cried, her sharp voice cutting through Mary's thoughts. "Ms. Crawford has invited us to dinner at Netherfield!"

Mary did not know how to reply to her sister's announcement for a while; what should she say to such a thing? Miss Crawford and Kitty had become friends, it was only natural that the former would extend such an opportunity for the latter. Mary knew that she had not been invited and she could not make anything that she was not a part of her business.

"Do you not want to go to the dinner party?" Kitty's brow furrowed at the lack of enthusiasm that Mary displayed.

"My wishes do not matter for I have not been invited." Mary pointed out, not unkindly, for she had ere learned to not be bitter when people preferred her sisters over her.

"But you have been invited!" Kitty extended the letter to Mary. Mary read the contents and was surprised that both she and her sister had been invited by Miss Crawford.

Mary tried to form her thoughts on the subject but could not get over that someone had willingly asked for her company. A childish giddiness arose in her breast and all attempts to rationalize or neutralize the situation were vain. She finally ceased to suppress her smile and decided it was only natural that she should be happy that people like Crawfords had invited her to dinner.

"How you smile, Mary!" Kitty cried. "Indeed, I have never seen you so happy except for when you are in a library." Before Mary could say anything, Kitty had already become concerned about what clothes she would wear and how she had no good clothes and how they would have to purchase them. This time, however, Mary did not stop her sister's ramblings and so passed the time till they were called downstairs for dinner.


	2. part two : for the sake of convenience

The day for dinner came too quickly and Mary was much less prepared than she would have liked to. Not only did she not know who else was invited to the party, she was sure that apart from her sister, she probably did not know anybody else. Her initial excitement at being invited only gave rise to dread and anxiety the more she thought about it. 

Too engrossed in her thoughts, Mary missed how whole of the Netherfield was as unchanged as she had seen it last time. The furniture, the walls, the entire style of the room was no different than the Bingleys' had left it; only minor differences could be spotted. 

To Mary's pleasant surprise and relief, only Mr. Lancaster and his sister were an addition to the party apart from her and her sister and the hosts. Mr. Lancaster was as gentlemanly a man as ever could be and Miss Lancaster, though no friend of Mary's, was not an objectionable companion; Mary thought her too shy to attempt to draw Mary into meaningless conversations.

Mrs. Grant after greeting the young ones left them to their own amusements. The Crawfords were very warm in their welcome, even Miss Crawford did not seem upset at seeing Mary there. Perhaps, she had meant her comment in harmless fun and Mary had taken it the wrong way.

Kitty sat besides Mr. Lancaster to nobody's surprise. Mary, not wanting to be too far from her sister, sat on her other side, only to have her partner on the other side to be Mr. Crawford. Mary could only hope that he did not try to talk to her about how the weather was today.

"Well, the Meryton ball was one of the best balls I have ever attended," Miss Crawford remarked. "I have attended many charming balls, and to be sure, Meryton ball is now one of them. How stupid I was to think that the country would be such a dull place to live!"

"Well," Mr. Lancaster drawled with a smile, "The country does offer a variety of people to surround yourself with; there is never a dull moment here." He then asked if Miss Bennet agreed with him and Kitty blushed, not used to having her opinion sought so sincerely by anyone, and answered tolerably calmly that she could not agree more with Mr. Lancaster.

"When is the next ball?" Miss Crawford inquired. At not finding any answer, she declared that they might hold a ball at Netherfield themselves. At this, Mr. Crawford, though in support of her idea, reminded her that they needed Dr. Grant's permission first.

"Oh, do not worry about that," Mrs. Grant spoke up for the first time in the evening. " I am sure he could have no problem devoting an evening to young people's amusements. My husband and I are always talking of how when we were young, we never had enough balls to satisfy ourselves."

"You are very kind, madam!" Kitty cried, perhaps the most excited out of everyone in the company at the prospect of a ball so soon. Mrs. Grant thanked her laughingly and then asked Miss Lancaster, who had been silent till now, whether she liked the proposal or not.

"I do like it, madam," Miss Lancaster spoke quietly, her voice gentle and her gaze fixed on the floor. She was even shyer that Jane was! "I am very glad and grateful that you are the one to organize it."

Not in the slightest discouraged by Miss Lancaster's bashful answers, Mrs. Grant asked whether she had been at the Meryton ball or not. This time, Mr. Lancaster answered that his sister had been at the ball, thanking her concern.

"Mind not, if I am being too rude," Mrs. Grant said next to Miss Lancaster, "But did you meet either Mary or Henry at the ball?"

Miss Lancaster managed to answer that she had not the honor of being introduced there. At this, Mrs. Grant expressed how good at dancing Henry was and how he could benefit from an elegant partner like Miss Lancaster. 

Mr. Crawford said nothing, expressed nothing, at his aunt's attempts to from a match between himself and Miss Lancaster. Only Mary could see his tightened jaw and she wondered why Mr. Crawford would be against such a match; Miss Lancaster, though shy, was of good nature and came from a wealthy family. 

The dinner came before Mrs. Grant could go on any further. Thankfully, for the remainder of the evening there was no attempt to match Miss Lancaster and Mr. Crawford and the latter's good humor came as quickly as it had gone.

***

Mary knew her mother to be a lover of schemes. Some of them, Mary privately admitted, were well thought. She only wished these schemes were applied to things better than gossip and marriage of her daughters.

It had been a mistake when Mary had decided to read her book in the living room where her mother gossiped to her father who only listened to it half heartedly. Generally, Mary was not expected to be a part of their tête-à-tête but today her mother actively sought her attention.

"Mary, dear," her mother said in a cheerful tone, "Do you remember your cousin, William Collins?" 

"Of course, mother."

"He has the best offer for you, dear child." At this, Mary's father raised an eyebrow. "I know you will not reject it."

"My dear," Mr. Bennet turned to his wife, "What are you talking of? Since when have you started including my nephew in such schemes, even though he can never be as good at them as you are. Surely, you need a better partner at this."

Mrs. Bennet only ignored her husband's sarcasm, being long used to it, and continued thus, "He proposes that you visit him at his home. He wishes you to meet Brigham Ford, a young gentleman who wishes to become a clergyman like your good cousin."

"How can I help a gentleman who I have never met, mother? I have the least knowledge on how to become a clergyman." Mary tried to be obtuse in hopes that her mother did not mean what Mary thought she meant.

"Do not speak nonsense, darling!" Mrs. Bennet stared at her daughter. "Mr. Collins wishes you to marry Brigham Ford."

"Marry him!" Mary exclaimed. Her worst fears had been confirmed by her mother. She tried to think of an argument as her mother, heedless of her surroundings, ranted on how good a match it would be, how kind her cousin and so on.

There was not one argument that Mary could use to refuse her mother. That she did not wish to marry would only be taken as her shyness, that she wished to be accomplished would only be said to be nonsensical , for women did not want such things. Only her being engaged to somebody else could stop her mother. 

" I am engaged to somebody else!" a voice cried, interrupting her mother's talks of how gentlemanly a man Mr. Ford was. It took Mary a few minutes to realize that the voice had been hers; her cheeks and ears were flushed deeply at this. 

"Mary!" her mother only stared at her, unable to comprehend her daughter's words. She tried to open her mouth but nothing came out of it and then she shut it. At last, she only asked, in a feeble voice, whether Mary was not joking. She must know how sensitive her nerves were and jesting on such matters made it even worse for her them.

"I am not joking!" Mary raised her voice before lowering it. "I have been courting a gentleman for a while, and - and we are in love and I-I-I-I promised him to not tell anyone of it until he had my father's permission." Mary was never good at speaking about her truthful observations; how she could speak such blatant lies with such ease, she did not want to comprehend.

Mr. Bennet's mouth twisted in a sarcastic smile. "Well, how long have you and your-" Mr. Bennet's lips quirked downwards "admirer been in love, dear? To be sure, you are more cunning than I had thought you to be."

Mary blushed. "We have not courted for too long, father. But my attachment to him forbids me to take anyone else seriously. Mother, I cannot go to Mr. Collins' house. Thank him for his consideration but I must decline it."

"When are we to meet this gentleman, Mary?" Mr. Bennet asked briskly, all humor long faded from his countenance. 

"Soon," Mary answered too quickly. "At the ball. That Mr. Grant is throwing. He'll introduce himself to you then, father." 

***

All nights upto the ball, Mary had spent restless and sleepless. Thankfully, nobody had asked her any further about her non existent admirer. Her mother had overcame her shock enough to congratulate Mary and write a reply to Mr. Collins to decline his kind offer stating that her daughter was already courting someone else. Mr. Bennet had said nothing after the scene in the morning. Kitty only giggled whenever she even saw Mary and the latter saw to it that her sister did not ask any unwanted questions.

She had tried to come up with any gentleman that would help her in the - situation - she found herself in. None came to her mind. Gentlemen, or men, in general were a foreign breed to her. Even women who were not of her family were unknown to her. There was no one truly that Mary could ask help of.

Mr. Lancaster was Kitty's admirer; no one would believe that it was secretly Mary who he coveted. William Lucas was a good option but he was too carefree to take anything seriously. As much as he and Mary had developed a peculiar friendship, he was not the person to be approached.

After thinking for a long while, Mary reached to a conclusion that the man must not be someone the Bennets knew intimately. That made Mary abandon all hopes for the few cousins that had come to her mind. None of them were particularly close to her and no one would believe that they had been secretly engaged.

Hopeless, for never had she encountered such a predicament, Mary steadfastly read her books for longer hours than she usually did and rarely saw anyone from her family. The day for the ball came and so did Mary's dread and horror. She wished she could make an excuse of being sick but she had been well till yesterday and if they called for a doctor, her lie would be caught.

In her gloom, Mary hardly noticed, or even cared, how beautifully the hall had been decorated . Everyone was in awe of it and Mary wished Kitty would shut up about everyone's dresses and what not.

"It is so pretty!" Kitty cried for what seemed like the hundredth time. "I could have never expected that the Crawfords would be so good at arranging balls!"

"And I could have never expected somebody to talk of nonsensical things as much as you do!" Mary finally snapped. Mrs. Bennet then scolded Mary for abusing her sister so and having no compassion for her poor nerves. Mary apologized, ashamed of her lack of control on herself, and Kitty accepted it.

It was a relief that Mr. Bennet had declined to attend the event. Mary knew that her father knew of her lies but since he had not said a word of it, his daughtercould only hope that he would not be the one to reveal all of her lies. Only Kitty and Mrs. Bennet were the ones who believed Mary to be true and were more than curious to see who this man was who had captured Mary's heart.

The first two dances, Mary had planned, she would play at the piano forte in order to escape her mother's incessant questioning. And music would give her the benefit of calming her nerves and thinking of a logical solution to her problem without having to accept her lies to anybody. However, her plan was foiled by the person she had last expected to do so : Mr. Crawford.  
He had approached her and Kitty, looking restless, as if he were in a hurry. His bow and pleasantries were said in a tone of such a disinterest and distraction that even Mary was slightly concerned for him. However, welcoming the Bennet sisters had not been his object; it was to ask Mary for the first two dances. 

"Will you give me the honor, Miss Bennet," said Mr. Crawford, his eyes glancing in search for somebody else in the crowd before settling on Mary. "Of being your partner for the first two dances, if you are not already engaged?"

Before Mary could form a proper reply, Kitty all but cried, "Dear Mary!" and Mary knew what her sister was thinking; that Mr. Crawford was the man Mary had been talking of. With her mind already in a state of distress and not wanting Kitty to say out aloud her thoughts, Mary could only give a rushed consent. Her answer bewildered Mr. Crawford, even amused him, but he accepted it all the same and bowed and left the sisters.

Mary was in no condition to listen to her sister's chatter. What could Mr. Crawford mean by this? The few times they had been in each other's company, he had never shown any peculiar interest in her. Now what did he mean by giving her such an honor? By offering to be her partner for the first two dances? He must know there were ladies more than willing to have his attention, who loved him much better than Mary did. At last, she had become calm enough to realize that she needed Mr. Crawford's help in this, no matter what his intentions had been while asking her to dance.

However, as Mr. Crawford led her to the dance, in her agitation, Mary had no words to convey her situation. She was mortified, beyond embarrassed, that she who always prided herself on her self reliance, was now left to ask a stranger's help. And that man to be Mr. Crawford! And all of this to be her own doing!

"Do you believe," Mary began feebly, "In the duty of a Christian to love their neighbor?"

Mr. Crawford raised his brows, searched her face for any traces of humor, and being convinced that she was not joking, he could only answer that he believed in it.

"Then, you must help me, sir!" Mary cried before regaining her sense of calm. In a lowered tone, she requested, "Please, sir, I must ask for your help. You are the only one that can bestow it on me."

Henry did not know whether or not laugh at the lady's request. What was it that Henry Crawford could possibly help someone with? He was the last person one was reminded when thinking of doing the Christian duty of loving one's neighbor. Good Lord, had Miss Bennet gone mad? Perhaps reading too many books did that to a person. However, not knowing what he was saying, he surprised both him and his partner by agreeing to help her.

The dance ended but Mary and Mr. Crawford were yet to let go of each other. Amused, curious, bewildered, Henry only followed Miss Bennet to a less crowded part of the hall. With great agitation and hurry did Mary tell her tale. She could not even look at Mr. Crawford as she told how of her mother's schemes, with great embarrassment she recounted her own response to it and revealed Kitty's mistaken belief of Mr. Crawford being Mary's admirer. Knowing Kitty, half the hall already thought Mr. Crawford to be Mary's lover.

Both were stumped into silence as Mary stopped speaking; the lady too busy avoiding Mr. Crawford's eye nd fidgeting with her gloves and trying in vain to control all of the feelings that rushed through her. The gentleman was too stunned to speak at first but he gathered his wits better than Mary did. Mary sneaked a glance and was glad to see that Mr. Crawford did not appear to be angry at least. He was engrossed in his thoughts and never had Mary burned more with a desperate sense of curiosity to know what the gentleman was thinking of.

"Well, Miss Bennet," Mr. Crawford said at last, "You and I are to be engaged then!" Mary could only sputter a shocked "Sir!" at this. 

Henry chuckled at the expression of shock on her face and said, "Miss Bennet, do not sound so offended at the idea! It does not help my sense of ego." At Miss Bennet's narrowed eyes, he rushed to assure her that he was only joking.

"The only way out of this - " Mr. Crawford said, "-predicament is to act our way out of it. It need not be for long. And I have been told," Mr. Crawford smiled mischievously at this, "how great I am at acting." 

Mary did not say a word; the whole scheme seemed so out of the world. She had read novels that made better sense than all of this. But Mr. Crawford was right; there was no other solution to the problem. They had to act as if they were wildly in love or Mary would be forced to the censure of everyone. The thought of everybody rejecting her and hating her was revolting. She could not stand the idea of it!

"You are right, sir," Mary agreed half heartedly. "I must thank for all the trouble you have to undertake for me!" Mr. Crawford dismissed it playfully. He pressed Miss Bennet's hand in reassurance and both of them parted ways with feelings that I, dear reader, cannot express in words.

Nobody knew what Miss Bennet and Mr. Crawford were talking of but the shy expression of the lady, the gentleman's smile and their pressed hands said it all. Mrs. Bennet needed no other confirmation of their being so in love with each other that they could not stand others' interference. With what delight did Mrs. Bennet relate this to everyone, the author cannot tell in mere words. To have all of her daughters married! And all of them to wealthy gentlemen! She congratulated herself, told it to anyone who would listen to her and by the end of the evening, it was confirmed : Mary Bennet had been engaged to Henry Crawford all this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the games begin! What did you think of the chapter? Leave a comment and/or a kudos if you've liked it so far!


	3. part three : the lies we tell

Henry had never seen his sister so quite in his entire life. An entire carriage ride from a ball and not a word about it! No talk of dresses and fashion, no gossip, no snickering over gossip loving old hags. Though he disliked his sister knowing of his - situation- with Miss Bennet, he was hardly upset about it. He never thought of past for he saw no good in uselessly obsessing over it. He would wait till Mary said something of it; until then there was nothing he could do.

At last, they reached Netherfield, and so ended Mary's silence. "What were you thinking Henry?" she all but shouted at her brother. Henry feigned innocence but his charms were no good for his sister who had learnt to see past them. She repeated her question, almost pleading, that the news of his engagement with Miss Bennet was nothing but a rumor.

Henry sighed. "It breaks my heart, dear sister, but it is true. Miss Bennet and I are in love with each other! Your blessing-" A sharp laugh cut off Henry's dramatic declaration of love. Minutes passed before Mary could cease laughing and a few tears escaped her eyes as she tried to be sober.

"You are in love, indeed!" Mary lightly bumped her shoulder with her brother's. "What an actor you are, brother. You should be in a play; your talents are wasted here." When Henry failed to respond in his usual joking manner and he only gazed at the ground, shock overcame Mary. She could not fathom if her brother, her Henry, was truly in love with that dull spinster. She only stared at him and prevailed at last at getting an answer out of him.

"I am not in love with Miss Bennet," Henry began carefully, "But I am engaged to her."

"Henry, I do not understand what kind of a cruel prank you are playing on me. Surely, you are not engaged to -", Mary's mouth tightened, "to Miss Bennet." When a stiff nod confirmed her fears, Miss Crawford's expression might have bemused an outsider; her mouth dropped open, her eyes as wide as they could be and her inability to say a word despite desperately wishing to do so.

"What on Earth, Henry!" she at last cried, quite tormented to find any thing else to say. "What of-" Mary checked herself for the fear of waking the Grants and hissed in a low voice, "What of Miss Lancaster? Our aunt had such high hopes from your partnership; what will she and Dr. Grant say to you marrying a dull, plain girl with no connections, no money of hers!"

Henry's jaw clenched at the name of Miss Lancaster. It was the prospect of being with that girl that had made him ask Miss Bennet to dance in the first place. He had barely tolerated his aunt's matchmaking ever since that dinner and it was in desperation to escape that , which made him come with the plan of pretending to court Miss Bennet. Besides, it was not as if Henry was in any danger of being attached to Miss Bennet.

"It is Miss Lancaster who is too dull for my tastes," Henry said bitterly. "You know how much I detest people like her. Too shy, too good(Henry practically spit at this), too moral for someone like me!" Both brother and sister were startled at this declaration. Henry, though uncaring of most people in his life, hardly hated anybody like this. 

"Henry," Mary said gently, pity clear in her tone, "Is this about-"

"Good night, sister," Henry said briskly and bowed clumsily and erratically, as if he had no control on himself. 

***

"How in love Mr. Crawford is with our Mary!" Mrs. Bennet said to her husband after the entire house had retired to bed. "And how sly Mary is! Hiding such a thing from all of us. You should have seen how he pressed her hand, how he looked at her and, oh! How shyly she gazed at him!"

"So, Mary was right, after all," Mr. Bennet dryly observed. No matter what his wife believed, he still found it hard to believe that Mary had been in love with Mr. Crawford. He knew nothing of the gentleman but Mary was not the kind of person to accept a man she knew so little of. 

"How surprised I was to find that he had danced the first two dances with our Mary!" Mrs. Bennet continued to narrate her observations at the ball, not caring how her husband had lost any interest in listening her. "And the rest of the night he scarcely looked at anyone but Mary."

"Yes, for how else is one to know if a gentleman loves a lady? Him staring at her is the only proof he can give of his affection! " Mrs. Bennet , having long learnt to accept her husband's comments, took it as a sign of him wanting to sleep. She happily gave into sleep, no troubles plaguing her mind. Mr. Bennet, however, could only wish for his wife's easy sleep, his thoughts constantly plagued with the strange turn of events.

***

Music was the most elegant art form that had ever existed. Mary had loved it since she was a child; she had never been anybody's favorite and music had been her solace since then. She did not repent being born into a humble household nor did she have any complaints about it. However, there were times such as these when she wished that they could afford an instrument. She wished to be immersed in music and forget all about her troubles. She even flattered herself by thinking the Crawfords might have a piano (they did not, sadly, Mary had noted no musical instrument) and that she would be allowed to play it but a stop must be put to such thoughts. Mr. Crawford may have agreed to help her but Mary knew that it was not borne out of any special attachment to her  
; he had other motives.

"Mary!" Kitty cried, bursting into the room. "Guess who has come to visit us!"

"The Queen?", Mary dryly answered, irritated that her solitude was interrupted by the arrival of someone she probably did not care about. At this, Kitty whined and Mary rolled her eyes but could not help the small smile that formed. Her sister behaved like a child sometimes despite being eighteen.

"Fine, be as you want. I will not tell who it is that has come." Kitty's child like remark only elicited another sigh from her elder sister.

"Forgive me, dear sister," Mary said, "Please do tell who it is that has graced our humble abode?"

At this, Kitty brightened, "Mr. Crawford has come to meet you, Mary!" Kitty's loud shriek of excitement gave Mary time to absorb the shock of his sudden arrival. Perhaps, he regretted helping her and wished to withdraw from their agreement. 'And he has every right to..' Mary tried to reason but this logic did not make the lingering feelings of disappointment disappear.

Mary was dragged to the living room by Kitty not caring how unprepared her sister was to see Mr. Crawford. The gentleman bowed at both the sisters, and for once Mary was glad that her mother was at Lady Lucas' house and gossiping nonsense with her.

"Miss Bennet," Mr. Crawford addressed Mary in a low tone, "Do you wish to walk in the park with me? It is a very beautiful day, in fact, is it not(he said turning to Kitty)?" Mary gave her consent and to the park the pair went. Throughout the carriage ride, little words passed between them and Mary used this time to imagine the things she would say once Mr. Crawford said he no longer wanted to help her. That it was perfectly fine, that she was very grateful for the time he had bestowed, that Mary will handle everything just fine. The walk soon started and Mary's dread did not lessen amongst the beautiful trees and flowers.

In her anxiety, Mary could not help but be the one to break the silence between them. "I must thank you, sir, for helping me at the ball. And it is perfectly fine that you wish to end this pretense at once. I understand that there are other ladies far more anxious for your attention-"

"Miss Bennet," Henry proclaimed, amusedly ceasing her rant. "I do not wish to end the agreement between us. Besides, we have not even started yet. I cannot bear to see your sister upset at the prospect of our courtship ending so early."

After gathering her wits, Mary stared at the gentleman, fixing him with a look of curiosity and suspicion. "If you do not mind, sir, can I ask you a question?"

"You may, madam," came the easy answer.

"Why do you wish to help me? It is no lie that you have no attachment to me and you do not love my sister so much that for her sake you are helping me. And I cannot think of a reason and only you can help me out this time, sir."

Mr. Crawford was momentarily amazed at Mary's bluntness and stared at her before composing himself. "Very well, Miss Bennet. But I must say that my reasons are not very noble."

Mary smiled sardonically, "People seldom do things that are not for their own selfish interests. I can hardly judge you, sir, for doing what every other human does."

"Well, then," Henry sighed, "I asked you for the dance because I wished to escape my aunt's matchmaking. And it was only out of desperation to escape her attempts that I agreed to help you." At this, Mary only hummed thoughtfully. She was curious why someone so young and so handsome did not wish to marry but it was not her business to know his reasons. 

"If not for breaking our arrangement," Mary asked, "then why did you want to meet me?"

Henry's eyes brightened at this and mischievously smiling, he answered, "Well, we must have some enjoyment from our arrangement. And we must do something to convince people of our love for each other."

"But we cannot be too much in love," Mary pressed, "Our arrangement cannot be permanent." 

"Then how is it that you break my heart, Miss Bennet. Everybody knows that I can never do such a thing to a lady."

"I believe differently, sir, for my observations tell me that you are quite the heartbreaker. Every lady in Longbourn is devastated that you are to be engaged to somebody else. Their affection is the fault of both the parties involved."

"Is that so? And what about you Miss Bennet? ", he said in a low tone of playful gallantry, "Are you not quite glad that you were saved the heartache by me?"

"Oh, you needn't worry about my heart, Mr. Crawford. You are the last person it is in danger from."

Henry smiled at Miss Bennet; perhaps this arrangement was not as dreadful as he had thought originally.

***

If anyone was unconvinced of Mary Bennet and Henry Crawford's love for each other, then him asking her to a walk was certainly confirming. Even Miss Crawford who had been in complete disagreement with the idea of that woman with her brother could not help but give it some merit. Mrs. Grant was sorely disappointed in Henry's choice; the girl had not made any impression when she had dined at Netherfield and was the worst sort a person could be. So arrogant, so ill mannered, so distasteful were her moral sermons. The girl lacked good connections and had only two thousand pounds an income compared to Henry's seven thousand a year. Good Lord, was such a thing to be tolerated!

Whatever were her aunt's feelings towards her brother's choice, Miss Crawford could not help but want to give Miss Bennet a chance. Her inviting Miss Bennet to dinner would not be well received by her aunt, she was aware, but for the sake of her brother it must be done. However, it must be added that Miss Bennet was not invited alone but her sister and the Lancasters were too. Mary could not spend hours in the company of that dull woman, even if her brother could.

And what did the lovers think of the newfound attention? Mary was not a person who could boast of having many friends, so, except for Maria Lucas' energetic and jealous congratulations and Lady Lucas' awkward blessings, Mary did not know or care of what others thought. Henry was long used and always strived to have everybody's attention to himself and found peculiar joy from shocking the mothers, aunts, daughters, nieces all alike and grin inwardly at their foolishness.

The invitation was the source of Mrs. Bennet's utmost delight. Kitty was shocked but pleased at being included in the invitation. Mr. Bennet had become convinced to some degree of the lovers' attachment to each other but as long s Henry Crawford did not approach him, he had no objection. Mary received the news with tolerable calm. She was mildly irritated that so soon she had to be at a social event but was comforted by the fact that Mr. Crawford was there. They were not friends yet, but these past days, he had proved to be a valuable companion.

The dinner party was received with cold politeness by Mrs. Grant and indifference by Dr. Grant. Mary Crawford was all joy for the Lancasters and Kitty and was able to congratulate Miss Bennet with her usual playful charm. Henry's welcome was charming and playfully impudent to all, even Miss Bennet, who he had come like better.

"Well, forgive me for my impudence," Miss Crawford directed the question to Mary who barely hid a wince at being the center of attention. "But how did you and my brother become so taken with each other that he did not even tell his sister of it?"

Mary stared at Mr. Crawford for a moment but finding his gaze steadily downwards she was at a loss of words. "How can I tell of your brother's feelings?" Mary tried weakly.

"But you must know," Miss Crawford cried, "Are not people in love supposed to know everything about each other? Especially two people who are so violently in love that they care three straws about anyone else?"

"We are not violently in love," Mary protested, her cheeks warming, "I despise the phrase 'violently in love'. What does such a thing mean? It is quite ridiculous to believe that I would know what Mr. Crawford is thinking all the time just because I love him; I cannot boast of knowing the magic to read minds."

Miss Crawford blinked at her the same way some people did when Mary made her observations on human follies and they took it to be her vanity. No word was said for a while and Mary blushed and blushed by every passing second. Her stomach knotted with dread. Had she unknowingly hurt Miss Crawford? She quite regretted speaking her mind so freely and not having the ability to guess what others thought of it. Sometimes, she really wished she had the magic to read minds.

"I am sorry but I must steal Miss Bennet for a while," Mr. Crawford said, his voice cutting through the thick air, "I had promised to teach her how to play whist." Mary wordlessly stared at him; he had promised no such thing and neither had Mary asked for it. But still she could not find words to declare his falsehood and let herself be drawn away.

He ordered a servant to bring the cards and then drawing himself slightly closer, he whispered, "You must not mind my sister. She always speaks her mind; that is how she makes friends."

"Should not she be the one you should be telling this to?" Mary blurted out. "I was the one who had spoken her mind so freely and offended your sister." With a short laugh, Mr. Crawford denied her accusation and declared that his sister was not someone who was easily offended and if she was, she deserved it every now and then.

"How can you speak so of your sister?" Mary wondered. 

Mr. Crawford shrugged, "She and I have both gotten things too easily in life, it is not wrong to say that we deserve someone to censure us every now and then." Seeing that Mary was about to protest, Mr. Crawford added, "Even if the person did not mean to censure us."

"Well, you could have thought of a better excuse, sir," Mary said him truthfully. "Kitty knows that I do not care about such games. What if she were to find out about your lie?"

"Kitty's nature is not like yours, Miss Bennet," Mr. Crawford reminded her, "She is not someone who doubts others easily. And," Mr. Crawford pointed to Kitty, Miss Crawford and Mr. Lancaster laughing and talking, "I do not think that anyone is paying attention to us."

"Can I play the piano, instead?" Mary said those words before she was aware of their utterance. 

"The piano was taken by Mr. Bingley when he left Netherfield to us," Mr. Crawford shrugged apologetically, "And we only owned a harp for Mary's sake. I have always preferred to listen to music rather than practice it."

Here, both were called by others for the dinner had been served. Everyone gave them sly looks for they had noticed that not one card was used; they had spent the entire time talking to each other. Mary, oblivious to these, only furrowed her brow when Kitty giggled as Mary took her seat besides her. 

"What were you and Mr. Crawford talking of?" Kitty asked with barely concealed glee.

"What were you and Mr. Lancaster talking of?" Mary retorted but instead of blushing or stuttering, Kitty only sighed sadly.

"We did not talk much. He prefers Miss Crawford over me." At Kitty's sad and jealous tone, Mary only stared at her. Did she not know how much Mr. Lancaster preferred Kitty's company above anyone else's? She never got the chance to tell her thoughts out loud.


	4. 04 | part four : brownlowe manor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the re uploaded version (sorry!) of the chapter. This one is a bit short but from the next one, the fun begins!  
> P.S. Tell me what you thought of the chapter! I love reading your thoughts, even criticism (as long as it is constructive). And leave a kudos if you liked it so far!

Before Mary could further gauge the sudden change in Kitty's moods; the conversation of the party had shifted to a house which was to be improved by Mr. Crawford. He captured everybody's attention by the animation in his eyes that rarely was there; his countenance grew more and more lively as he described how he was to undertake the project, what changes the house would undergo and so on. Mary could scarcely believe that a man like Mr. Crawford - an incorrigible flirt without any apparent aim in his life - could have so much passion for something. She wondered if he could love an inanimate house so much - then how come marriage give repulse him so?

"Your dedication to this project is admirable, Crawford," Mr. Lancaster complimented, "And when are you going to start working on the house?"

"It is not a house," Mr. Crawford said with slight impatience, "it is a manor. And a very old fashioned one, mind you. I met its owner when I had recently moved to Netherfield - some clergyman's son - who had recently inherited the manor from his mother's side. Though, it is a great beauty; you cannot fault him for wanting to improve it. I suppose it will take some weeks or a month, at most."

Mr. Lancaster raised his brows in admiration; Kitty's bad mood seemed to have been momentarily lifted. Miss Crawford and Mrs. Grant looked disinterested; perhaps they were used to Mr. Crawford's 'projects'.

"Would you be fine if we went on a trip there, aunt?" Mr. Crawford asked, his eyes set intently on his aunt.

"Dear, when have I and Dr. Grant ever refused you from doing such things? My husband is always telling me how excursions and such are necessary for the young people and I cannot help but agree with him there."

Then Mr. Crawford asked for everybody else's consent. Mr. Lancaster, coincidentally, had not much work and could spare two weeks for amusement. Kitty's acceptance was the most enthusiastic of all. 

"And what of you, Miss Bennet?" Mr. Crawford turned to Mary, "Are you to accompany us on this trip?"

Mary opened her mouth and then closed it. She had no answer; she had liked the idea of visiting the manor but she also did not wish to spend weeks far from home; away from her books and her music sheets.

Mary tried to speak up but Mr. Crawford beat her to it. "Oh, come Miss Bennet. I am sure your books will not rot if you spend some time away from them!" Mary would have snapped at him but something in his good natured tone made her guilty for wanting to do so.

Everybody was now looking fixedly at Mary; even the sullen Mrs. Grant's eyes were sparked with interest, Miss Crawford's expression said that she knew Mary was going to deny the offer. Kitty and Mr. Lancaster looked expectantly at her. Flushing, she fixed her gaze at the table in front of her.

After thinking for a while, Mary sighed; "Fine, Mr. Crawford. But Kitty and I must ask our parent's permission -" Mary trailed off as everybody's attention from her shifted after her initial acceptance of the offer. Mary stifled the urge to hit her head on the table.

***

Mrs. Bennet was all delight at such a scheme; there was nothing more she could want more from her life now. Mary engaged and Kitty soon to be engaged (for, of course Mr. Lancaster was going to ask for Kitty's hand any time soon) and three of her daughters already married. This was some success to be had! 

Mr. Bennet had no problem with Mary and Kitty going on the trip - they were both women now - even thought he wished that they were children yet and he had had better relations with them. But - he flicked to the next page of the newspaper - nobody could go in past and his daughters were happy with their choices. Who was he to interfere?

All kinds of preparations had to be done; new clothes were to be shopped for("No, Mary, I am not letting you go to that trip in those drab clothes of yours."), people were to be told of it and everything was to be done in a week, as they left on Monday. 

By and by, Mary came to know more of the place Mr. Crawford wished to improve. It was Brownlowe manor and had once belonged to some very important family but was abandoned due to some disaster. It was something out of a novel and Mary would not have believed were it not for Mr. Crawford's earnest looks as he told about it.

Mr. Crawford had visited twice during the week before departure. He had become an instant favorite of Mrs. Bennet by the virtue of his charms and all kinds of adventures he told them of. Mr. Bennet had only met him for a few minutes but did not find Mr. Crawford to be as foolish and detestable as he had though him to be. Even Mary did not object to him visiting her house like this in future, even if it was to sustain their ruse.

"Do you never get tired of reading books, Miss Bennet?" Mr. Crawford cried amusedly on his second visit. Before Mary could answer that one never got tired of reading a good book, Mrs. Bennet took it upon herself to express how much she disliked this habit of Mary's.

"I love all my children equally, Mr. Crawford," Mrs. Bennet said, "But I must say that I do not like how much obsessed Mary is with books; none of her sisters - even Lizzy - are so attached to books like Mary is."

"I am not obsessed, mother," Mary defended even though her cheeks warmed slightly, "I only prefer the company of books over people."

"And why is that?" Mr. Crawford asked the question with his gaze fixed on Mary.

"Because, books tell us so much of the world. They have all lessons for us to be learned while still providing us with enjoyment. What more could one want from anything?" Of course, these were not the only reasons Mary liked books but found herself unable to say anything beyond that.

"But how can you know of the world if you do not participate in it?"," Mr. Crawford's eyes (they were very blue; Mary noted) gazed at her with curiosity.

Mary had no answer to that. Mr. Crawford's eyes smiled. "Do not worry, Miss Bennet. I'll teach how to make your life more amusing and interesting."

"My life is interesting enough!" Mary cried, her cheeks becoming impossibly red. 

"Then why do you look like a sullen child deprived of their favorite toy at every ball, every gathering?" Mr. Crawford challenged.

"Maybe because," Mary snapped, "I do not like to be surrounded by foolish people all the time." Regretting the words the moment they dropped out of her mouth, Mary had not expected Mr. Crawford to laugh (genuinely, not in a mocking manner) at it. Mary only stared at him and before Mr. Crawford could say anything, Mrs. Bennet decided to take the matters in her own hand.

"Mary does not know what she says," Mrs. Bennet shook her head in disapproval, "She has been too blunt for her own good."

"Do not worry, Mrs. Bennet," Mr. Crawford smiled "That is why I like her."


	5. part five : brigham ford

It was late at night; the Bennet household had retired to sleep. It was a cool night with breeze flowing in through the window but Mary found herself unable to sleep. In vain she attempted to read her book or write about something - her mind was still stuck on Mr. Crawford's words when he had visited in the evening.

'That is why I like her,' he had said. What did he mean by it? What did he wish to prove by smiling in such a manner? He had no attachment to her beyond the ruse they were upholding. Mary was sure that she could never covet a man like Mr. Crawford - arrogant, flirtatious and unprincipled. Then what trick was he playing? What joy could he gain in wanting Mary to think that he had any sort of tender feelings for her?

Mary sat up on her bed and exhaled softly. She buried her head in her hands and wished she knew what Mr. Crawford was thinking when he declared (so carelessly, so unthinkingly) that he liked her. She was no reader of minds but what she did know was that this farce had to end soon. 

***

"Good day, Miss Bennet!" Henry cheerfully proclaimed, perhaps enjoying just a smidgen how grumpy she looked. "Are you excited to head to the Brownlowe manor?" He helped Miss Bennet climb the carriage, who then snatched her hand from his as if it were on fire. His brow furrowed but he did not dwell much on it; he was going to complete one of his most ambitious projects and not even Miss Bennet's crankiness could put a damper on his high spirits.

Humming a song under his breath, Henry directed his horses, happy that he was the master of his carriage ride. He was also glad that his sister and Kitty had decided to come with Mr. Lancaster, instead. Their chatter would have only annoyed and Miss Bennet, who was accompanying him, had not said beyond ten words to him this morning.

The air was fresh and the sun smiled gently on Henry who hummed the song (he did not know which) louder than he was before. The road they were travelling on was mostly clear. Brownlowe came to Henry's mind and even though he had only seen it once, he still remembered its rustic beauty. He could not wait-

"Mr. Crawford, please stop singing," Miss Bennet's request was tensely demanded, her usual monotone gone. Perhaps, her mother had taken away her books and now she was acting like a child whose books had been snatched from her. 

"Why? Do you not like it?" Henry answered in an easy, unaffected manner. "I must say you ruined my dreams of singing in an opera."

"Must you always joke about everything?" Miss Bennet's demanding voice surprised Henry. He could not move his eyes away from the road and he had no idea what kind of expression Miss Bennet had on her face. He could have guessed her mood if he had been able to see what was written on her face.

"Well, somebody has to," Henry replied, "Besides, I have made it a personal mission of mine to make your life more amusing in these three weeks we are at Brownlowe." Miss Bennet squeaked in indignation, claiming that her life was amusing enough, thank you very much, but Henry only laughed at it. Thus bickering and laughing and jesting (for the most part), the pair reached Brownlowe manor.

***

Mary had wanted to end this ruse by the end of this day but it was becoming quite difficult. This only served to annoy Mary more and more. The entire ride - a perfect opportunity to bring up the subject - Mr. Crawford had spent it joking and infuriating Mary. When they reached Brownlowe, she had been quite taken in by its rustic beauty to think of anything else.

The manor stood tall and grey and for a moment Mary felt as if she were in a gothic novel. The garden surrounding the house was all but gone. Only sparse trees were left and only fallen leaves greeted them. Mary was starting to realize why Mr. Crawford could not stop talking about this place. She was no good at building but she could understand the pleasure in wanting to rebuild this house.

Mr. Lancaster, Kitty and Miss Crawford had joined them not much after Mary and Mr. Crawford had reached Brownlowe. As there was no construction going on today, the Bennets, Lancasters and Crawfords were the only people in the house.

The entire day they had spent exploring the manor. It had a number of rooms, each unique in its own way. The paintings revealed that the family that had lived there were quite an important one (if the manor was not enough of an indicator, the paintings sure were). The unsmiling, elegant faces stared back at Mary and her fancies were quite wild when she thought of how the family might have been.

However, the room that had interested her the most was the one with an old piano in it. Since only a few rooms were cleaned by now, this one was quite dusty, even the piano was covered with dirt. Mary felt sorry that such a beautiful instrument because of time and negligence had been reduced to such a state.

Now it was evening and Mary and Kitty had retired to rest before dinner in one of the cleaned rooms. It was bigger than any room Mary had ever been in and its faded walls only added to its odd beauty. The manor had occupied so much of her mind that even the book in her hand could not occupy her interest for much long.

"Where do you think," Kitty asked in a small voice, "we will stay tomorrow?"

"Here, at Brownlowe. Where else would we stay?"

"But the workers will come tomorrow and so does the master of this house. I am not sure we will be kept here for three weeks like Mr. Crawford."

Mary pursed her lips to stifle the incoming yawn. "Perhaps, we will stay at some other place while Mr. Crawford improves this house."

"Hmm," Kitty simply said, "I think we will made to stay in some nearby house. I heard Miss Crawford say to Mr. Lancaster that this house's master has agreed to let us stay at his own house for the meanwhile."

"That was-" Mary furrowed her brows, "this is awfully kind of him."

Kitty shrugged," Mr. Crawford is helping him and besides he is a clergyman…"

"Do you think we can buy clothes here?" Kitty suddenly said, "I would like to have the dress that Miss Crawford had worn during that dinner."

Mary stared at her sister. She had thought Kitty had only been momentarily jealous of Miss Crawford. "Your dresses are fine enough," Mary said in a gruff tone. "Why should you want to be like Miss Crawford at all?"

At this, Kitty flushed. "Never mind, Mary. You will not understand." Before Mary could force Kitty to say what she meant, they were both called for dinner.

***  
So tired was Mary by the end of the dinner that her wish to talk with Mr. Crawford had been wiped out from her mind. Everything during the dinner had been nice - from the food to the conversation. Even Mary found that Mr. Crawford's tales were not quite as foolish as she had thought (not that she had said this out loud, of course); she even laughed at some of them.

I need not tell the reader how unreliable the human memory is. Fortunately (or unfortunately), Mary's resentment towards Mr. Crawford had melted away and she found him a tolerable enough companion when he was not teasing or harping her about how boring her life was. 

Merry was everybody as they transitioned, quite early in the morning, from Brownlowe manor to the Ford household (as Mr. Ford was the owner of Brownlowe manor). Though sad at not being able to be at the place that had so captivated her, there was some reassurance to be found in Mr. Crawford telling everybody that they could visit the manor whenever the work was not being done on it.

Mr. Ford was younger than Mary had expected him to be. He had a rather thin figure and a sallow face but was not too dislikable as to be downright ugly.

"Thank you, Mr. Ford," Mr. Crawford shook hands with the gentleman as a feeling seized Mary that she had heard of Mr. Ford before. 

"I should be the one thanking you," Mr. Ford's tone was polite and soft, "You are the one helping me rebuild my house." Mr. Crawford waved off the praise - something Mary had not expected him to do. Perhaps he was not as arrogant as much as Mary though him to be.

Mr. Ford's house was not as big or grand as Brownlowe by any means but it was warm and cozy in its own way. It was perhaps too neat for Mary to think anybody lived here. Mary theorized that he was an orphan and that is why he was letting six people stay with him for so long, apart from out of gratitude for Mr. Crawford.

Mr. Ford and Mr. Crawford left the house shortly but still the feeling that she had at least heard of Mr. Ford sometime before persisted.

Kitty and Mary settled in their rooms. Unlike Brownlowe, the walls were cream colored and the size of the room was twice as small as their previous one. Their luggage had yet to arrive so both of them sat on the bed not having any access to their toiletries. The silence lasted shorter than Mary had expected.

"I cannot imagine how awkward it must be for you," Kitty said in a sympathetic tone, "To be staying in Mr. Ford's house right now."

"What do you mean?"

Kitty's eyes softened. "You need not hide your feelings from me. Besides, Mr. Ford and Mr. Crawford are gone and will not return any time soon."

Mary tried to think of what tragedy had befallen upon her that had ignited Kitty's kind feelings but her mind could not think of any. She said as much to Kitty who only drew closer and the pity in her eyes grew.

"I know how you must feel," Kitty whispered , "Staying in the house of a man whom you have rejected." Mary's mouth hung open; never in her life had she ever received a proposal from somebody, let alone be able to reject them .

"Do not act like you do not know what I am talking of!" Kitty's voice became snappish , "He was the same person Mr. Collins wanted you to marry!" 

Oh.

***

The discovery had not raised in Mary anything other than a sense of awkwardness and a trifle of guilt. She had not even met Mr. Ford till yesterday so she could not feel any sadness for rejecting a man she barely knew of. Besides, everybody thought Mr. Crawford and Mary engaged - there was no reason that Mr. Ford would try to renew his offers and even that would be only if he had any sort of tenderness for Mary. But apart from bowing and exchanging pleasantries, Mr. Ford had not approached Mary much, so she did not think it wise to bring up the matter to anybody and had requested Kitty to do the same.

The first two days Mary spent in Mr. Ford's house with only Kitty and Miss Crawford for company. She spent much of it reading either her books or studying her music sheets. The third day was too much for Miss Crawford to be stifled in such a dull house with no amusements- she appealed to her brother and Mr. Lancaster and further reminded her brother that it was his duty to provide them with amusements.

Mr. Crawford sighed and Mary noted with some concern how weary his countenance was. He ran a hand through his hair and said weakly, "I do not know of any amusements around here. I am just as unaware of this place as you are."

"Well," Mr. Ford said in a grave voice that did not suit his thin frame , "I suppose, we can go and explore ---shire; it is a very old town. It is full of amusements for young people like you." He coughed before adding , "and myself, of course." He nodded in a comical sort of manner like his head would get detached from his body but Miss Crawford's attention was already diverted after the declaration of going out. All kinds of plans were being drawn out about all kinds of amusements they can do tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the chapter leave a comment! It motivates me to write more for you!


	6. part six : we are friends, are we not?

The next day, the entire Ford household was in a bustle. Everybody could not wait to roam around ----shire. Even Mary could not help but be affected by their excitement and reasoned that nothing worse could come of it. 

This time, however, Mary and Miss Crawford sat in the same carriage with Mr. Crawford and Kitty was to be with Mr. Lancaster. Mr. Ford had politely declined as he had to help Mr. Collins with some clerical duties. Mary mulled on how near the Collins's house must be to Mr. Ford's. They must be close friends if Mr. Collins had wanted one of his cousins to marry Mr. Ford.

"So," Miss Crawford began, breaking through Mary's idle thoughts, "Miss Bennet, are you not glad Henry brought us all on this trip? And you would be surprised to know that he never told me of it before that dinner. How sneaky he has become! Do you not think so?"

"Oi!" Mr. Crawford cried, not moving his gaze from the road , "Do not complain to my beloved about me. Besides, she is too in love with me to say anything ill about me."

"Perhaps, Mr. Crawford overestimates my affection for him. I do-"

Mr. Crawford clicked his tongue against his teeth, interrupting Mary effectively. "I do not remember anything except for you confessing your undying love for me. And I being the gentleman-"

"I had done no such thing!" Mary said in a high pitched tone, her cheeks warm with indignation rather than the air. "Your memory is faulty! You should get it checked by a doctor."

"You two are quite the pair!" Miss Crawford cried in bemusement and a trifle of delight. Mary resolutely averted her gaze outside the carriage, too embarrassed to say anything; Mr. Crawford only laughed.

***

Mary felt the yellow dress between her fingers, delighted at how soft its material was. How pretty its owner would look in it, she thought a trifle morosely, since the owner could not be Mary. She had not bought any money of hers and was too stubborn to ask anybody else (even Kitty, who had brought her savings). So, she only lingered awkwardly in the background, unable to buy dresses with Miss Crawford and Kitty and not bold enough to seek Mr. Crawford's and Mr. Lancaster's company.

"You should buy the dress," A voice whispered from behind Mary who was so startled that she let out a small cry. She wrinkled her nose and pursed her lips when she realized it was only Mr. Crawford who was smiling widely as if he had won a lottery.

"What are you doing here?" Mary made no effort to hide the annoyance in her voice. After all, Mr. Crawford was the one who had barged in a shop for ladies' dresses. To add to Mary's further disdain, he only shrugged and offered no explanation otherwise.

At Mary's continued persistence, he finally said, "I only come here to rescue you." Then bending down to Mary as if sharing some secret with her, "I have never seen even Romeo looking at Juliet with such longing as you were looking at the dress. It is pretty, to be fair."

"Mr. Crawford," Mary began but closed her mouth; she would only end up snapping at him and make a scene for everybody. She dragged him outside and demanded (something which surprised both of them) where Mr. Lancaster was and why was Mr. Crawford not with him.

"Lancaster found some friend from his college days," Mr. Crawford shrugged, "I thought of finding you ladies and grant you the favor of my company."

"Oh, how noble of you, sir!" Mary regretted the sharpness in her voice as soon as Mr. Crawford's smile dimmed down. His blue eyes flashed intensely as he searched for something in her countenance.

"Why do you dislike me so much?" Mr. Crawford asked in a low voice. "Have I done something to offend you?" The seriousness of his voice scared Mary. He sounded as if he- as if he genuinely cared of her opinion about him. A few days ago, she would have told that she did dislike him but now she could not. She found his company tolerable. Sometimes, even more than tolerable.

"You have not offended me, Mr. Crawford," Mary answered truthfully but taking care at the same time. "Besides," she looked up at him and smiled , "We are friends, are we not?" Mr. Crawford's answering smile made Mary's chest swell with gladness.

***

"I cannot imagine," Mr. Crawford remarked , "How it must have been like to grow up with four sisters. I am glad I have only one," His gaze travelled to his own sister who was watching with an inert sort of curiosity Kitty bargain with the shop's owner.

"Well, it was not as bad as you imagine." Mary said rather truthfully. She did not feel too bad lingering in the corner now as she was with Mr. Crawford. The shop was mostly empty and too small for many people to comment on it. "Three of my sisters are married and only Kitty and I remain."

"So I have heard." Mr. Crawford said but before he could say anything further, a nettled Kitty and bored Miss Crawford approached them. 

"Pray, Henry," Miss Crawford seemed surprised at spotting her brother. "Are you so in love with Miss Bennet that you cannot endure a few hours of separation?"

Mr. Crawford only shrugged while Mary told her that Mr. Lancaster was meeting a friend of his and Mr. Crawford had come here only to seek company.

"What friend?" Kitty's voice peeked with curiosity. " Oh! It must be Mr. Castle - Mr. Lancaster had told me of his friend from his college days who lived nearby." At everyone's teasing looks, Kitty flushed and mumbled something inaudible. She was saved by any further jest at her expense by Mr. Lancaster. 

"I am not obsessed with you!" she cried before the realization of what she had said sunk. Her face turned even redder than possible. Covering her face with her hands, she ran away before anybody could say anything. Mary had to bite the inside of her cheeks to prevent laughing out at the look of pure confusion and devastation on Mr. Lancaster's face.

***

The rest of the day went merrily; there was much to see in ----shire. Just as Mr. Ford had said, the town and its old fashioned ways invited everybody's fancy. Even Kitty had lost her mortification enough to glance at Mr. Lancaster every now and then to make out his mood. Mr. Lancaster, however, still had not understood what had happened and even the most earnest of his requests only drew laughter from Mr. Crawford and more teasing from Miss Crawford. Mary pitied and would have said something had not she thought that it would upset Kitty.

Kitty stuck with Mary all the time; too embarrassed to seek anybody else. Even Mr. Crawford and Mary's occasional bickering did not draw more than weak smiles from Kitty.

Poor Kitty! She was not shy by any means but such a thing would have been mortifying for anybody (perhaps not Lydia - she would have turned the situation into a ridiculous joke). She tried gently as she could to cheer her up and partially succeeded in her attempts to do so.

"Well, the dress you bought," Mary said conversationally, not wanting the awkward silence to engulf them, "was very pretty. It would look very good on you." For the first time in the evening, Kitty smiled genuinely and asked, rather like an eager child, if Mary really thought so. Mary shook her head in affirmative which seemed to please her although it did not entirely lift up her bad mood.

Their next destination was the nearby park. Unlike the one near Meryton, this one was larger and had more variety of flowers and plants. The thought of walking in the cool shade of trees, after spending so much time in that heated, dingy shop made Mary sigh with relief. Everybody else seemed to welcome the idea just like Mary. Miss Crawford even said, "Never have I wanted to among trees so much more than before."

Kitty's spirits were now lifted enough but still she did not drift apart from Mary as the latter had expected. She was surprised that her sister would want her company over those of such lively people. They both even found many topics to talk on - the Brownlowe manor, the books Mary was reading, what accessories Kitty would like to complement her newly bought dress with and how enjoyable this trip had been so far.

"Miss Bennet," a low, somewhat shaky voice interrupted their talk, "I did not wish to interrupt (Mr. Lancaster said in a somewhat alarmed tone when both the ladies turned around to see him) but merely ask Miss Bennet (looking at Kitty whose gaze was rooted on the ground) about something."

Kitty mumbled something inaudible before asking, her gaze no longer trained on the ground but her discomfort was apparent, "What did you wish to ask?"

Mr. Lancaster opened his mouth before closing it. He did so once more before meekly asking, "How was your day?" Mary stared at him but felt pity when she saw how nervous the gentleman himself was. Before Kitty could answer, Miss Crawford borrowed her under the pretext of wanting to ask Mary what a flower that she had spotted was called.

"Dear Lord!" Miss Crawford whispered once they were sufficiently far from Mr. Lancaster and Kitty, "Were you planning to hear their entire conversation?"

"Well, Mr. Lancaster never said that he wanted to talk to Kitty privately." Mary defended herself.

Miss Crawford stared at her strangely before "Surely, you must know that Mr. Lancaster wishes to marry your sister. What if he were proposing to her this minute and you would have only stood there awkwardly."

"It does not seem," Mr. Crawford suddenly came out of nowhere but this time Mary was quicker to spot him, "That Lancaster wishes to propose to your sister, Miss Bennet."

"What are you talking of, Henry?" Miss Crawford said confusedly and Mary realized that she knew nothing of either Kitty's jealously of her or had any feelings for Mr. Lancaster. "Even a child can tell how much Miss Bennet and Mr. Lancaster love each other. When else would Mr. Lancaster propose to her if not now?"

Mr. Crawford's mouth apologetically as he subtly pointed towards the pair. He did not say anything but he did not need to. Kitty was staring at the ground, fidgeting with her gloves. Mr. Lancaster, too, in a manner so unlike that of his usual affable gallantry, was rubbing his neck with hand and there did not seem to be much conversation between them, either.

Mary wished, almost desperately, what they were talking of. She hoped, nay prayed, that both of them had not been exhausted of their affection for each other because of a small, awkward incident.

***

The dinner was not as bad as Mary had thought it to be. She did not get a single chance to talk to Kitty alone, even though curiosity burned through her. She wished to know what Mr. Lancaster and Kitty had conversed about. Neither of their countenances were much different than their usual ones. Mr. Lancaster was as friendly and calm as always and Kitty was as excitable and childlike. However, it was obvious, even to Mary, that something about their actions were forced. What if Kitty had rejected Mr. Lancaster in a fit of emotion? What if-

"Miss Bennet," Mr. Crawford's voice whispered from her besides, "You know that you look like an old spinster when you are anxious and worried?"

Mary made a face. "I beg your pardon!" she said in such a tone of offense that everybody around the table stared at Mary. She flushed and turned her gaze to the ground which was partially obscured by her long dress. In some time, everyone returned to what they were doing originally.

"Mr. Crawford," Mary hissed through her teeth but took care that her voice was lowered, "I do not look like an old spinster! And I am not anxious or worried about anything!"

Mr. Crawford only shrugged. "You seemed pretty worried to me. I had to call your name three times before I got your attention." Oh, dear. Had she really been so immersed in her thoughts that she did not listen to her name being called for three times. Softly, Mary mumbled an apology to Mr. Crawford.

"I will only accept your apology," Mr. Crawford paused, no doubt for dramatic effect (Mary really hated that she had ever apologized to him), "If you tell me what was worrying you."

Mary opened her mouth to deny that she had ever been worried in the first place but knew that was a lie. She only averted her gaze to indicate that she did not wish to have this conversation with him. Resolutely, avoiding Mary's hint, he only elbowed her gently from the side and pleaded to know what was troubling her.

"You are worse than a child, Mr. Crawford." Mary's exasperated declaration had no effect on Mr. Crawford.

"Oh, come Miss Bennet," he said in a persuasive tone," We are friends, are we not? Friends share their worries with each other." Why, if Mr. Crawford was not the most impertinent person Mary had ever met! She ran her gaze around the table. Miss Crawford and Kitty were chatting about something, Mr. Lancaster was a polite listener to their conversation. A servant had informed that Mr. Ford would come home tomorrow and was very sorry that he could not attend to his guests.

"I am worried about Kitty," Mary admitted in a low tone, "I do not wish her and Mr. Lancaster's affection for each other is extinguished because of a single incident." Mr. Crawford only nodded, humming in a thoughtful manner.

"I do not think anything," Mr. Crawford said after a moment's meditation, "That everything between them will be severed just because of an awkward moment." The, laughingly he turned to Mary and said, "You worry too much, Miss Bennet. Here, I thought that you had some grave, secret illness that you were suffering from."

Mary did not take much notice of Mr. Crawford's teasing manner as she narrowed her eyes and gazed at Kitty whose laughter seemed strained. For Kitty's sake, she hoped Mr. Crawford was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting so far! If you liked this chapter (and the fic) then leave a kudos and/or a comment!


	7. part seven: the hills

The Bennet household was expected to be silent for the three weeks Kitty and Mary were gone to Brownlowe manor. However, within the end of the first week, this illusion was ruined by a letter from the fourth daughter, Lydia Wickham.

_Dear mother,_  
_How silly it is that it has been such a long time since I've written you all a letter! But it is to expected since I'm a married woman and a mother of a daughter. Catherine is the darling of our neighborhood. Oh! Only if you and my sisters were here to see how everybody gushes over her fair curls and plump cheeks! Though (do not tell my husband I said so) she can be a handful, especially since I am to give birth to her sibling. It is so fretful here and Wickham is gone again (though I assure you that he regretted doing so; oh you should see how he adores me and Cathy). I am alone with no one to take care of me; it is so dreadful that a woman cannot go to balls and dance as she wishes just because she has to give birth to a child! How boring! Everybody says that the balls are dull without my presence there and I have to say I agree._

_Anyways, I wrote this letter to ask for your permission to let me stay at your house (for my home lies with my darling Wickham; you must remember that I am a married lady, dear mama) till I invite this baby to the world. I am so alone here mother and I have nobody good enough to take care of me. Wickham approves of my plan (he seldom ever refuses me or Cathy anything; he loves to spoil us that way) and it is only your and dear papa's approval that stands in the way. I cannot wait to come to Longbourn and see how much has changed. Besides, Kitty and Mary might benefit from my advice since I am a married woman and all._

_I have chattered enough(or written enough) about myself. I await your response that I am sure will be in everybody's favor._

_Yours,_  
_Lydia Wickham_

After Mrs. Bennet had read the letter aloud, Mr. Bennet only exhaled softly and returned to his book. Mrs. Bennet only stared at him and awaited her husband's answer. When he did not say anything on the subject first, Mrs. Bennet was forced to be the one who did.

"Mr. Bennet, what do you think of this?"

Mr. Bennet feigned a look of innocence. "Oh, yes. The book is very excellent, my dear. You should read it sometimes; perhaps, it will prove more entertaining than gossiping about Miss King's gown with Lady Lucas."

"Oh, hush!" Mrs. Bennet stared at her husband in shock. How could he be so harsh on her nerves? Surely, he knew how sensitive they were. "I do not care jot about that book! I was talking of our daughter's letter."

Mr. Bennet sighed. There was no escaping this conversation. "Mrs. Bennet, you know we cannot have Lydia here."

"Nonsense! Of course we can! She is our daughter. Who will look after her if not her own parents? How the girl's heart would break if she knew how much her father abhorred her very presence."

"My dear, you wrong me. It is in her benefit that I speak that she stay at her home (as she herself pointed out). It does one no good to indulge in every whim of our child's."

"My goodness," Mrs. Bennet gasped, "To say that your child seeking your help is a whim! To be sure, I have never seen anyone abuse their own daughter so."

Mr. Bennet's mouth tightened. "My dear, think what you wish. But my decision stays final. Lydia will not be coming here."

***

Unaware of their sister's letter and having many amusements at their disposal, the sisters merrily spent their first week of stay at Mr. Ford's house. As they had such good company, they had all but forgotten to write beyond a few words after their arrival to the Bennet household.

Mary and Mr. Crawford's friendship was steadily blooming and since they were engaged in everybody's eyes, nobody questioned if they teased each other or chose each other's company over the others'. Miss Crawford was becoming a tolerable enough companion but she and Mary still kept their distance from each other. Kitty and Mary were also constant companions in absence of Mr. Crawford and Mr. Lancaster. Both sisters were becoming aware of each other's characters more so than they had been all these years. In Kitty, Mary found a good friend and it seemed that Kitty shared the sentiment.

All the town had not been seen in the first week itself. Mr. Crawford had to go for days to the Brownlowe manor and Mr. Ford was not fond of going out in order to amuse others. This irregularity of the gentlemen's schedules ensured that the ladies stayed home for three days of the week.

On Tuesday, the plan was made to visit some hills that were near ---shire. The idea appealed to everybody instantly. To be in company of nature and its glory - Mary could not have asked for more. Luckily, Mr. Crawford was free of obligations that day (and so he proposed the idea) and even Mr. Ford agreed to go there, acknowledging the need to mix with society every now and then.

The hills were a pretty sight and in the front of shining sun, they seemed to come alive. All kinds of trees and plants and flowers were to be found there. Such beauty made even the ladies not care about their gowns and how stained they would become. The sun smiling softly on the grass which smelled so sweet and fresh in early morning that it was enough enticement for everybody to walk on. Even Mary, who usually detested exercise, was compelled to stretch her limbs for awhile.

After few merry hours of roaming together, everybody sat down to rest at the first bench they could find.

"Dear me!" Miss Crawford said in a slightly breathless manner, "I never thought I could walk this much and still want to do so!" Silently, Mary agreed with the statement in her head.

Mr. Crawford stood up, suddenly. "Well, then, we should all keep walking. There are so many sights here. Sitting here and being dull hardly suits people of our age."

"Behaving like a restless puppy," Mary muttered under her breath, "Also hardly suits a gentleman your age." Despite Mary's efforts to not let her comment be heard, Mr. Crawford seemed to have heard it anyways as he laughingly extended a hand towards Mary.

"Oh, come Miss Bennet. Do not be so sour on such a lovely morning. " Mary scowled but did not say anything otherwise; she was too tired to do so. When she did not accept Mr. Crawford's invitation, he pulled a face eerily similar to the way a whining child did.

"Well, somebody," Mr. Crawford said in a dramatic manner to suggest how much of a long suffering he had endured, "Must come with me since my beloved refuses to come with me." Everybody except for Mary laughed at Mr. Crawford's antics; his 'beloved' only soured her countenance further.

When his declarations of agonies (and Kitty's giggles) did not stop, Mary grumbled and accepted to go ahead with him while everybody else rested for awhile.

"Mr. Crawford," Mary said once they were far enough, "You truly do behave like a spoilt child, sometimes."

"Well," Mr. Crawford was unfazed by Mary's accusations, "Like my sister once said - 'There is no cure for selfishness.' "

"Must your selfishness always include forcing me to do things I do not want to?" Mary's exasperated demands only drew out a laugh from Mr. Crawford. Undeterred, Mary pressed on, "Why could you not have asked Mr. Lancaster? Or Mr. Ford? Or even your sister? I do not like being disturbed while I am resting."

"But, none of them are as enjoyable a company as you Miss Bennet." Though his manner was joking, his tone suggested sincerity. Mary almost missed the next words that came out of his mouth. "Besides," Mr. Crawford added, "You do need to exercise more. I am only doing you a favor."

Mary huffed and pinched her nose; there was no use arguing with Mr. Crawford. They walked on for a while in silence before Mary begged that they sit somewhere. Mr. Crawford pressed that they walk a bit more and pointed out that they would have to walk double the distance if they went back where others were.

"Mr. Crawford!" Mary cried, "If I do not sit down somewhere this instance then I am going to fall down. And then you would have to carry me all the way." Mr. Crawford seemed a trifle surprised but sighed and reluctantly admitted that they could sit on a spot under the trees. It was not much dirty and would not spoil their clothes. Mary could care less about her gown.

Drawing her knees to her chest so as to make space for Mr. Crawford, Mary heaved a sigh of relief. She had never enjoyed walking and such activities (she could not fathom why Lizzie enjoyed walking and rambling so much) and there was only so much the beauty of nature could keep her going.

Aimlessly, (trying to silence her heavy breaths; she had never envied Mr. Crawford so much as she did now as she noted how he had not even shed a drop of sweat), Mary picked up a broken twig and drew random figures on the soil, nearby. Soon, Mr. Crawford joined her.

After getting bored of drawing tiny figurines in soil, Mary glanced at Mr. Crawford's and was shocked to see how good he was at drawing. His countenance was of intense concentration as his brows were furrowed slightly and the tip of his tongue was poking out of his mouth. It was a rather endearing sight.

"Do you wish," Mary asked casually looking at Mr. Crawford's half finished, but nonetheless beautiful castle, "To improve houses your whole life?" The gentleman was drawn out of his reverie and hummed thoughtfully at her question.

"I do enjoy the activity," Mr. Crawford admitted, "But I do not have any sort of life long plans to be committed to it. Besides, I have enough income to sustain my whole life without having to do any kind of work."

"Well, you should consider it," Mary said truthfully, "You are very good at it." Letting out an embarrassed chuckle, Mr. Crawford nudged Mary's sides gently. "And what is it that the great Mary Bennet wishes to do? Become a writer?"

Mary laughed. "I do not have any wish to become a writer." Then after thinking, she added, "Or, perhaps any other job. The society would never accept it."

"Why not?" Mr. Crawford said as if he were genuinely confused. "There are many accomplished female writers. And you can always be a governess."

"Even if I did become a writer," Mary pointed out, "My work would not deemed equal to my male counterparts. I would rather be invisible than be judged for the sole fact that I am a woman."

At this, an unreadable look crossed Mr. Crawford's face. Was he dejected at Mary's answer? Had she been too truthful? Though she could not guess what was going through Mr. Crawford's mind, what she had realized was the reason why Mr. Crawford was so popular with ladies. Mary had been perhaps hasty to declare him not handsome because he was - with his dashing smile, his sharp light grey eyes and his blond curls. To shake herself from such thoughts, she gently nudged Mr. Crawford with her side and teased him about how much of a bore he was being. Had he finally developed a functional mind?

"I was just thinking," the gentleman said as if he had not heard Mary's comments at all, "That how unfair life is for some people and how we do not recognise our own privilege at times." Mary only stared at him; she had never expected him to be have the capacity to be so perceptive. Perhaps, Mary had judged him too harshly on their first meeting.

"Besides," Mr. Crawford continued, his eyes warm as he gazed at Mary, "You should follow your passion and let the world know what you are capable of rather than be invisible your entire life. Who cares how others unfairly judge your work? Perhaps, it will be you who is remembered for posterity and not those male writers who think so highly of themselves."

Mary swallowed a lump, unable to say anything at all. Fortunately, she was saved the effort to think of any coherent answer when Miss Crawford found the two of them and was shocked at the discovery.

"Dear Lord!" she cried, "What are you two doing there? How dirty your gown must be, Miss Bennet! And Henry, did you not go ahead so that you could walk? What is the meaning of this all?" Mr. Crawford said nothing, only silently helped an equally speechless Mary up on her feet.

Mr. Crawford did not take long, to Mary's relief, to recover himself. He was laughing and joking and teasing with others after a short spell of silence. Everybody was used to Mary's silence and nobody questioned, not even Kitty who seemed to have made up with Mr. Lancaster. Not knowing (or perhaps even caring) what effect the conversation had on Mr. Crawford, it had stunned Mary.

Mary had never demanded any grand ambitions from her life. She had known since she was fifteen, perhaps even earlier, that only beauty and the ability to find and keep a husband were the only aims of a woman's life. She had been irritated by it in her younger years but had gradually learnt to silence her voice on such matters. She was fortunate that she had found her books and her music. But now, Mr. Crawford's casual yet earnest words made Mary want to think of a life where she was not just a man's wife. Where she was … _more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really hope I got Lydia's voice correctly. If you found anything OOC - please tell me! And also, buckle up, Lydia and her daughter's arrival is going to bring up chaos!  
> Thanks for reading so far! The comments I've been getting really warm my heart! If you liked this chapter and the work so far - leave a kudos and/or a comment!


	8. part eight : clergymen are the worst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have totally projected my love for writing onto Mary and I am not ashamed of it. Sorry for the short chapter but the next chapter's going to be fun! If you liked the work then leave a kudos and/or a comment!

The night had fallen but Mary was yet to sleep. Kitty, long used to her sister reading until late hours, did not care much for the burning candle (the only source of light in the room). She reckoned that Mary was still getting adjusted to the new place, even if a week had passed. But, Mary was not a sociable person and rarely went to visit other's houses let alone live there for weeks.

Mary had been stuck on the same line of her book since an hour (she guessed) but her attention was still not commanded by the book's contents. What Mr. Crawford had told her of becoming a writer had stuck in her head. Could she really become an author? The very thought was baffling and the reasonable part of her mind ordered her not to pay attention to such foolish thoughts. But another part, the one that usually stayed dormant, rebelled and asked - almost pleaded - Mary to not abandon the thought. To give it a chance.

It was true, that there were female authors publishing their works and gaining money and recognition in return. But they were very small in number and mostly did that to support them and their families. The very thought of writing for the sole purpose of money and recognition did not sit well with Mary. Was writing not an art in itself? Is there not something beyond worldly desires that motivated a man to wake up from his bed every day?

Mary shook her head to rid herself of such thoughts. Moralizing in such situations was of no use. Perhaps, she needed someone's advice. "Do you think I would be a good author?" The words escaped Mary's mouth before she could register them.

Kitty awoke from her fragile slumber to gaze at Mary in mild annoyance and shock. "What?" Mary shook her head sideways. "Do not worry, sister. It was nothing. I apologize if I disturbed you."

"It was not nothing," Kitty stifled a yawn, "You were asking if you would be a good author or not?" Mary, almost shyly but mostly mortified, nodded in affirmative.

"Well," Kitty pursed her lips, "Are you already not an author? Perhaps, not a published one. But when you were fifteen, you used to write so much, I would wonder how your head did not explode." Kitty let out a short laugh but Mary only stared at her in shock; she had never expected Kitty of all people to notice that.

Kitty continued, a frown appearing on her face. "But then you stopped one day." Kitty shrugged, a helpless gesture that did nothing to calm the sudden onslaught of emotions that consumed Mary.

To her horror, Mary blinked back tears. She had never thought that anybody, even her own sister, cared for her ambitions. She had abandoned all hopes of becoming an author when she had realized that it was a fruitless endeavor; she would be all but shunned by everyone she loved if she chose to become an author.

"Do you wish," Kitty's cheerful voice sounded far away, "To publish your work?" She clapped her hands, "That is wonderful!"

"I do not know," Mary said softly, "What I am going to do. We should go to sleep, we have to wake up early tomorrow." Kitty only simplemindedly shrugged her shoulder and went to sleep. Mary snuffed the candle's flame, only one question persisting in her mind - Was it worth pursuing something that she had given up on so long ago?

***

Clergymen were the worst creatures on earth, Henry thought as he barely stifled a scowl from marring his features. He was in the midst of the few minutes of rest he took everyday from his work. The day had been pleasantly merry but was ruined by Mr. Ford's arrival.

Henry had only agreed on Mr. Ford's offer because he admired Brownlowe and was convinced that it could be one of the best houses in England by his efforts. He did not feel even half the respect for the owner of the house that he admired so much.

Mr. Ford had not a handsome feature in his face, he was so thin Henry feared that a strong gust of wind might carry him away someday, and his countenance was that of a sick boy of seventeen who was suffering a deadly disease. Henry would rather not like to remember Mr. Ford's reading of 'Fordyce's Sermons' as a means to entertain his guests. And it had not escaped Henry's notice the way Mr. Ford stared at Mary.

"Sir," Mr. Ford fidgeted with his hands, "Do you think you can spare tomorrow? You see, I have invited some clergymen friends of mine for the evening." Something must have passed over Henry's face for Mr. Ford was quick to defend his idea. "You need not worry, they are only a few in number and it will be a small gathering. Besides, you would get to meet Mr. Collins."

Henry forced his mouth to not form a scowl but it was really hard not to when Mr. Ford talked so highly of someone; he was not sure that he would have the strength to tolerate more than one clergyman simultaneously.

Henry expressed as much gratitude as he could muster but was really sorry that he could not attend the event because he could not leave Brownlowe for a day alone. If the work halted even for a day, it would not be finished by the time Mr. Ford had envisioned it to be.

"Oh, you need not worry about that," Mr. Ford said lightly, "I would not mind if the house was ready a day or two after than when it was intended to."

"But, I will feel very bad, " Henry pressed, desperate not to attend that event at any cost, "If I do not fulfill my promise to you."

To Henry's surprise, Mr. Ford was more stubborn than he had taken him to be. He pressed on as courteously as he could. He even mentioned how unhappy Miss Bennet would be on Henry's absence. Odious little man!

"Well, I suppose I cannot afford to lose Miss Bennet's esteem," Henry admitted defeat. He did not wish any further attempts the clergyman would make to involve Henry in his party. Bestowing Henry a thin smile, Mr. Ford bade his goodbye and went away. Henry narrowed his eyes - what an insufferable being!

***

"You are very silent today," Miss Bennet observed from Henry's side, "Did you finally see yourself in the mirror? I am sorry that you had to find out the truth this way."

Henry barely suppressed his smile. "Thank you for your concern but one tends not to talk while they are eating their dinner. Unlike," Henry pointedly looked at Miss Bennet, "Some people I know. Besides, what truth are you talking of?"

"The truth about," Miss Bennet dropped her voice as if whispering some secret, "How you are not as handsome and charming as you think you are."

"Why, Miss Bennet, I did not know you spent so much time thinking about my looks. It is very flattering."

Miss Bennet's cheeks reddened. "I did not- I do not- I mean-" She huffed in a very unladylike manner, "You are the most diabolical person I have ever met!"

"More diabolical than clergymen?" Henry said without thinking twice.

"You were sad because of _clergymen_ ," Miss Bennet cast a look of disbelieved suspicion, "Need I remind you that we are staying in a clergyman's house."

"I am well aware, thank you Miss Bennet. But I do not like that the clergyman has invited other clergymen."

"What is it that you have against clergymen?" Miss Bennet cried in a tone of wonder. Before Henry could answer her question, Mr. Ford inquired after what they were talking of with such enthusiasm.

"Oh, nothing really," Henry said casually, "We were only talking of how much Miss Bennet is obsessed with my looks."

"I beg your pardon!" Miss Bennet cried, her cheeks flaming and her brown eyes narrowed in indignation. Henry barely stifled his laughter at the site. Perhaps, the gathering would not be so bad if Miss Bennet was there with him.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) I know, canonically Mary is not some feminist, but a 'I'm not like other girls - nerd version' type, BUT I think it was a phase she grew out of it (mostly) by the time this fic is set in. Mary and Kitty's sistership (is that even a word?) will be slightly different than Jane and Lizzy's was in the source novel, as in they'll grow on each other, rather than having always been close.  
> 2) Henry and Mary Crawford are DIFFICULT characters to write because they are so unlike other Austen antagonists. They're not totally dislikable but they're not saints either. If you find anything OOC, then do point it out!  
> 3) This is character centric rather plot centric, as in, there will be drama and scandals, but the characters will also be allowed to unlikable so that their growth can be showcased.  
> 4) Constructive criticism is always, always welcome.  
> 5) If you've enjoyed so far, then leave a kudos and/or a comment.


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